My book of Essays of Support for Russell

My Russell Diaries

To Celebrate two Years and 11 months  Free From harming My Temple Tommorow

Poem 1.  Awake In a Miracle The Teen me never Thought possible.         

On the Dawn of A Holy Gifted Chapter  in my Life beginning Iam Here writing This Poem But the Teen me Believed And Thought that she was alone writing My Life i had No awareness That I was Holy Created and That My Body Has Sacred Worth. But Inside my Unseen Soul I felt Loud screaming For the sacred but thinking and Feeling That My Only Access To the Sacred Was My Own Highly Raw Soul and I felt I was Deserted Island On my Personal Struggle With A Need To Cope With my Parents acting As If they Are Venomous Snakes Shouting Vocal Venom Of the Most foul Words To each other. I feel into The Behaviourical Addiction Of Lashing And Slashings Myself Because I had  no awareness that the Holy son Had Gone Through the Lashing And Slashings for Me. I Remember I believed The Lie that I told Myself That the Brick Wall And My Head Met that it would Only do it once I just wanted To search for a Fast Way too shift The Intense Fire Of Frustration From within To out. I didn't know That My Brainwaves And thoughts Would connect that action Of My Forehead and My Fist Or a Wall Meeting the Truth Was that The Release Was Only For a split second But in the Warped Wires of my Mind If it was worth It. But I had The Rock Bottom Awakening To the Truth That with any type Of Life Dance With the Dark vampire That comes To you Dressed How to cope With this Heart Piercing Changing Whirlwind We all call Life Toolbox There was Always Emotional Ghost That would Always Creep Into my Mind After I Took part In the Behaviour Addiction Of Slashings and Lashings myself Was The Ghost of shame But what is Nuts To Reflect On Now With the Mircales Of two years And 11 months Free From being my Own worst Enemy Is The Emotional Ghost of shame just Made it Worse  instead of being The Fuel too end It. Iam Now awake In the Mircale the Teen Me never Thought was Possible. As a unicorn Telling they Are you Friend Too Get you Through The Rough Valleys of Life Whether Or Not they Contain Small or Large Frustration. Before I knew It my  Fist and My Head would Meet for A second Split Release Of Emotions that were high Level On the Intense scale. That I had No Manual Telling me another Way. It was A Toxic Now I know a Toxic Now I know God harming Cycle Cause even Though The Vampire Told me that slashing And Lashsings My Temple Was ok For me to have In my Inside the Mircale The Teen Me never thought Was possible. I always Had a Unspoken Thought When I was slashing And Lashsings Myself Under The Vampire Dressed As a Fake Friendly Unicorn Spell That thought Was Quietly Thinking To myself How hard Do I Have to Hit my Fist to my Head To knock Me out. My Dad Used to say No One's worth The Headaches sometimes I was confused Cause I got those Wise Words from the same man Dad To Place My Hands In his Silver Chains From his work In the past. It Wasn't My Family That gave me The Verbal and Heartfelt Life Raft in the Ocean  of Life I was Drowning In cause I had to Surrender The vampire And Break Free From his Dark spells Came to a Breaking Point Where I Was staring down Was the Barrel Of the Rest Of my Life and I didn't want the spend  the Rest of my Life Physically being My Worst Own Enemy Then the Watershed Moment Of the Broken Preacher That is also In recovery From his Own Life Dance  with the Fake Unicorn Friend That is Truly A Blood And Sucking Vampire. Then The Broken and Recovery Teacher Gave Me The Love and Empathy and  Verbal Life Raft that I Could use To Begin My own Recovery from slashing And Lashsings My Temple. I Recently Discovered Through A Look within Me That a Underlying Reason Why My Slashing and Lashings At my Temple Was Because all My Life I Got told There was something Medically wrong with Me Because I was In the Special Needs Classrooms And I was attached to Government Pushed and Disability support Organisations That Did Nothing For me..the Broken Preacher And Having Faith In the Holy Trinity Has Done More for me. my Russell Diaries.