My book of essays of Support for Russell

My church Diaries    

Poem 7. My Day in the Holy Son  home For the Young woman On the Train with Inward Scars Turned Physically on the Outside for me And all to See.

Today I did Head out on a Sunny Day that was Uncomfortably Level Of heat And I got  the Bus to travel to the city. I was in my Own zone Listening too My Favourite podcasts And then i saw a Young Woman Step On the train and To my Shock this Young Woman Caused Me to Feel a profound Confusion As To what To Call her Or if she  Indenfity As a Woman Or not. What do I call you. This goes Against Logic And the  holy Creator Of Life. Your a Human Being Not a Cat. I then did See  her Inward Human Brokeness And The Aches She feels Inside Twisted To Now Be Visible on the Outside I will Be clear I don't know This Person but Iam sure That the Lines Marked On her Arm I saw That were Covered Self Created Scars. My Church Diaries. In the Always Racing Thoughtful Sphere That is My Mind had a Wild fast Thoughts That was Full of Uncertainty About what To do Because I have my Own History of Physically Shifting Inner Wounds From the Inside To Come Out On the Physical Body Before I knew that my Body Was A God Made Up Temple Because I Grew up Without faith In the Holy Trinity And My Parents Held A Never Ending Emotional Bomb With their Vocal Passionate Competition Of Who Can say and Be the Meanest To each other While They Use Kids In a Family Breaking Division Creating Chess Game That Mother Was the Queen and Dad Was the King And the Kids Me and My siblings Were the Pawns. Then My coping With Life Toolbox Was low. I felt my how to deal with Life Toolbox Monster Came too  me at the age of 13 years Old. I still Remember The First Time My Head and the Brown Wooden Chest Of Drawers met Because I felt Caught In the Middle Of the Dawn Division Family Breaking Hate game of The King and The queen  I call My Parents And the King I call Dad Was Out of Full reach He was in and Out Of Left Early I was and Still am A Wounded Daddy's Girl. All that too Say that The Girl On the Train With Her Physical Scars is Not alone In her Own unknown Life storms And Valley She is going through That I Don't Know. My heart went Out  to the Young Girl On the train But I didn't Know I wanted To go Full Preaching Mode Into How I found Recovery From doing The slashing And Lashing To your self that the holy son Has Already suffered For Us which Firstly I heard From the Broken Sinner Teacher After He Personally Learnt It for Himself. Then In My Desperate And The Most  Raw and Heart Open Days Of My  Early Days Of Going cold Turkey  from  Not Only Slashing and Lashing Myself But Being The Target and the Lasher. My church diaries.  But My Mind Went Crazy. In a Doubtful  Fast Paced Sprial Of Thought What would  the Holy Son Do to this Young Woman On the Train i Thought He would Fully Preach To this Woman And Embrace Her and Part of me Wanted To Do That But this in public And it's a Stranger. My church diaries.  My Day in the Holy Son  home For the Young woman On the Train. All I did Manage to Say to Her at the End of Our Train Ride was I hope you have a good Day. Then  the  always  self Hating voice Within the Sphere Of my Mind was You didn't do Enough You Didn't Preach to Her Making Me feel guilty But Then I also reflect back to My Dark chapters in My Life When I was Both The Harmer  to Myself and Also the Lasher I Hated It with a Strong Passion When anyone would Make a vocal Notice of my Self Created Scars.  So I walked to The Holy sons  Home and for most Of my Prayer Time In the Holy Son  home And My Sacred  chat with God who Loves us sooo Much he Gave us His Only Son I prayed for the Holy son to Appear to this  Young Woman I saw  On the Train And For her to Some How Learn that Recovery Is possible and Her Body Is  holy Made.  My church diaries. I sat there In the Holy son Home As A Small Rainfall fell From My Eyes because It Reminded Me Of When the King I call Dad Placing Me In his silver Chains To Stop Me Being  the Slashing and Lasher To Myself. my church diaries.  My Day in The Holy son Home for The Young Woman On the Train with Inward Scars Turned Physically on the Outside For all to see. The  Transport Guards that I told on my Way back home told me I made the right choice. my church diaries.