My conversations with God and other spiritual essays for Russell

Essay 10. Russell and God and Jesus helped me achieve a personal mircale

As 2024 is coming to a End I am reflecting on the Very Important and humbling moments That were life changing That i do Pray that i can carry into 2025 And into the Rest of the life One day at a time and i would say the Number 1 Powerful and Humbling moments That I thank the Lord for that iam sooo Grateful for is That Russell and God and Jesus helped me to achieve a Personal mircale which is Me Breaking up For the final Time With my Toxic Relationship with self Harm. When I was 13 i Had Grown up with parents that Hated Each Other. I have ever seen Two People hate each other more than they Did but god and Jesus chose to Put Some Very Raw Gold in My Heart and Blessing Me with a inward connection to the Sacred even though i didnt Have any faith in God. But no One told Me that the Body is a temple home Where the Lord lives in me and you. And at 13 the dark ghost of self harm haunted me and told me what i know Now is a huge Lie and that Lie was that self harm Was the answer as a way to Physically get My Feelings Out. Then i Lied to myself After i told Myself that I would Only Hit my Head on the wall once. And never again but it only took Once for my Brain and my thoughts to Say thats what we do when feelings are too Much. And it shocked my family but over time They got used to it to me doing that. They Yelled at Me Stop It. Dont Do that. but that fell on silent ears. I was void of the empathy and Love that Russell and god has given me. I had times where i was fearful of hitting too hard and knocking myself Out. I did Carry a heavy Rock of shame about this dark habit. But now that Russell and god and Jesus helped Me achieve a personal mircale that i never thought it was possible because the dark friend that was self harm was such a habit for soo Long. I thought it was part of Me. Then i moved in with my Dad and He treatment of me And my self harm was Rough and Traumatic that only made Me want to do it more. He trapped me into his chair and He Made It harder for me to Use my Hands by using his silver handcuffs. So the More Trauma that happened to Me the More I wanted to use self harm as a way to cope but then this Year the watershed and Emotional and powerful Moment of change came when i told Russell brand about my self harm i realised that sadly the love and the understanding and the empathy that he gave me is what was missing in my younger life and that is why my Effort too end this dark habit didn't work. Because I tried to end it on my Own but i didnt tell anyone. But in sharing my Habit I found Healing and real hope for Recovery. now i Have 257 days free from self harm. I can't Ever thank Russell and God and Jesus enough for Saving Me from this Dark Habit. me Ending my Self harm is my Personal Mircale of 2024. Iam Sooo Grateful That Russell Met me with Such Life changing Love and Empathy i felt Real hope that one day at a time i can Not do This Dark Habit. I had kids at school laughing at me for Giving myself headaches But in twisted Brain the Self harm to Me was a Physical way to say to People That i can Hurt myself More than you can.
Which i see is a Very sad way of thinking. Russell and god and Jesus helped me to achieve the personal Mircale.but This Year achieving the personal Mircale is a Way to Hounour My Body that is a temple for the Lord to Rest in. Russell god and Jesus Helped me to achieve the personal mircale.