Hello everyone my father diaries part 2.

I place a trigger warning on this Essay as i do mention Domestic violence and self harm
This essay is very personal to me l it's about a statement that My dad used To tell Me when He saw me Self Harm.

Essay 1. No one's worth the headache

Dad I remember you telling me no one's worth the headache. Cause you sadly witnessed me hit my head. Cause I lied to myself at 13 that I would only do it once during a fight with my mother. Also because me hitting my head was a coping tool as my feelings were in intense and strong because dad you weren't stable in my life.also you and mum also forced the Posionous drink or hate into my senstive heart. You used to cry when you told me No ones worth the headache. To be honest dad sometimes i was worried about causing me damage to myself but I kept doing it. It became my go To way to put a Physical band aid for my anger. Dad while you said to me No One's worth the headache. My mother told other family members that for me the action of me harming myself will always be something I will Do. No one's worth the headache. I was a angry teen cause I wasn't seeing you enough dad. You and I blamed my mother. Dad you used to tell Me no one's worth the headache but I still did it because you were also causing some deep wounds in me. I didn't know another way other than hitting my head and dad I wasn't given the empathy and support I needed. Mother would say too me that normal people don't hit their heads. News flash mother iam not normal. Both my mother and father have been absuive to me in different ways. No one's worth the headache. Dad I have tried many times to stop many times to stop this physical painful habit. No one's worth the headache. Dad you told me this over and over I would agree with you stop me from giving myself a headache. Dad as my time in the dark strom that you started that you Dad went on the ways I would cause physical Harm to myself got darker your wife. Father became a Dectective into my behaviour that was dark because i was wearing jackets in The summer time and the heat weather. No one's worth the headache. Were Dads words I haven't forgotten them. Father you got fed uo wtih my physical harmful actions. So your arm reached into your pile of silver tools from your past security guards job you chase to drag me out of my bedroom and placed me in his silver handcuffs then you told me that if i tell anyone about the horror. My father would just tell them that I made him crazy. Big shock dad you placing your silver hands on me from harming said i was done. With you and I didn't to find the tools you and your wife brought the tools to me. No one's worth the headache. Dad why did you traumatize me more if you wanted me to stop self harming. You told me no One's worth the headache. But dad after I left your house of hell I found the path of healing that I know sadly you never found before the end of your life. Dad I thought No one's worth the headache. Because i opened up to my favourite Spritual teacher Russell.about my physical harmful habit. And now I have 122 days free from my physical habit. Now dad my faith in God is now stronger. No one's worth the headache dad now iam sad and feeling strong grief cause your not physically here for me to tell You no one's worth the headache.