My letter saying goodbye to self harm

Still to this day iam 28 years old I still remember the very first time that I self harmed at age 13 I was a senstive soul. My parents hated each other and they were pulling me and my siblings into the tug of war game of hate. My heart was torn. My dad was in and out he was more absent more than he was in our lives. The first time I self harmed is in my memory forever. I was in ba verbal shouting match with my mother because I wanted too see my dad and my mother said no i was confused I didn't know why I couldn't see my dad when I wanted too. I thought that my mum said no because she hates my dad. I got angry and for me i didn't feel that I was being heard. Also my feelings were strong I wanted a quick way to cope with my feelings there was a wooden chest of drawers in front of me and it hit my head on that. I was crying too. Cause from that moment it became a habit that I did at home and in public. It then became more physical of me hitting my head with my fist. I thought that self harm was my friend. For me the self harm was me applying a band aid to my feelings and my situations that was in. I thought it was the answer to my feelings that were intense. My Letter saying goodbye to my self harm. I struggled to cope in a world and a family that doesn't vaule my senstive heart. My mother has laughed at me and mocked me for self harming in the that we have had when she is shouting at me. Because she is very negative. I was in the special needs classes but I didn't know why I had students when I was at school students laughted at me for hitting my head. I felt shame about my self harm and after I did it. I haven't had the love and empathy that any normal person would give someone self harming. My letter saying goodbye to my self harm. I did feel shame when I was out and about and i had scars on my head that it when people would ask questions about it. My self harm got worse when I lived with my father because I was depressed and no one was talking to me. And I was living one hour at a time. Not sure if I was going to see the next day. My letter saying goodbye to self harm. The self harm demon made me feel it was my friend but it was hurting me. My self harm got darker at my dads house because I felt alone. The self harm tools were hidden. My dad put me in his handcuffs because of my self harm. My dad said he didn't know what to do. This is my letter saying goodbye to my self harm when I left my dads house hitting my head did keep going. My mother said to me once that normal people don't do that. I thought I wouldn't be able to stop it but then Russell brand and my soul family. Came along and when I told them about my self harm they gave me the love and empathy that I didn't have around the issues of my self harm. I now have 46 days free from self harm. My letter saying goodbye to my self harm.