Friends to lovers to not talking anymore

This essay is personal about a past friend and a past love story. About a past ex boyfriend and a past friend that isn't in my life anymore

This morning iam at the train station in the town that is full of memories of us being a couple and friends. And now its all in the past and now reflecting on us. We met in Primary school when we first met you annoyed me but I remember then you were the first person and my first friend that was a Christian and who loved God and who read the bible. That was new to me. You had fights with teachers in Primary school and high school cause they didn't wanna teach about God and reglion. I think if we could go back now I would be more interested now than I was back then. We had alot of arguments. You knew why I was broken and my siblings and your sister was at the same Primary school and you very fast found out my parents hated each other and I didn't trust people and that I was a senstive person who didn't know much about love I just knew goodbye when something goes wrong in a relationship. But I knew I always had a torch in my heart for you my friend but it took me sooo long to say it to you we both left high school and did some growing up and the we met again in high school. And I dated some frogs and was hurt by others. We were friends to lovers to not talking anymore. You were always there the one that comforted me when the others broke my heart you were in the friend zone for a long time but i always liked you and everyone knew it even though I tried to hide it. You and everyone knew that I wanted too move in with my dad and you didn't like him and he didn't like you cause he thought you were trying to change me cause I did move in with my father and his wife. I didn't know that his Wife was a Christian till I was dating you but we only lasted a week cause they saw our text messages cause you said that if I didn't start going to church and become a Christian I couldn't date you. You gave me a choice either God and you or nothing. I was stubborn and I thought you were trying to change me and not accepting me as I am so i said goodbye. And then after I left my dads house I came back to the town with memories of us and we tried to date again I was Unhealed from the trauma from years before. I had major trust issues. I felt trying again with you was a dream I remember we were in the local park talking and you were reading the bible too me. And you were trying to Tell me that this was real. And I was scared at the amount I loved you. It was too perfect I was sooo scared of doing something wrong to mess it up. But in the end I wasn't the one that messed it up it was you when you broke my heart and told me you and I dating was over because you were gay. I was already loving you. I wish you had told me before I fell in love with you. Were you ever fully trying with me. That was like a stab in my heart and it was tough cause I couldn't be mad at you cause it wasn't your fault you were gay and I don't wanna stand in the way of you being who you truly are. But we tried to be friends after that it took a while but we did succeed at being friends. I told you that I will always care for you. You were there for me when my grandpa died and I miss our phone calls during the night of you and me talking about music and God and polticts you were soo passionate about polticts. And you were mad at me I didn't vote. You would help me understand what is happening in the world and what the poltications were saying on the TV. And you listened to me talk about my trauma and tell me prayer can help. We were friends to lovers to not talking anymore. It was you that helped me start my healing path in the covid lockdown you rang me almost every night to guide me on my beginning of my healing path. Iam sooo Grateful for that.and in the last time perth had a covid lockdown I found out that my dad was dying from terminal brain cancer and I told you and you told me that you were would be there for me. But truthfully you weren't there for me cause you were going through a change of your own you were trans and going through a trans change. But you did send me one message after my dad died and that was it. It was really tough for you not be there for me in the way I thought you said you would be. But I got counselling to help me after my dad died. Now we are friends to lover to not talking anymore. Now your not in my life at all.i have no idea what's happening in your life and you don't know what's happening in my life. I wish I could tell the younger me that thought she couldn't live without you that one day in the future that you will be a memory in my life. I will always cherish our past memories we made. And If I had to go back and start of us and do it again I would.why is it the shortest relationships turned out to be the best and the ones that are hardest to forget. But the sad truth is now we went from friends to lovers to not talking anymore sooo much happened in the world and with us if I saw you in public would we talk or would we just past each other as if the history bewteen never happened. What would we say and where would we start. Would i be brave enough to tell you how I felt disappointed at you cause you weren't there for me when my dad died. We went from friends to lovers to not talking anymore. I wish you the best of Luck in your life. I pray that you find the love your looking for. You did message me a last year saying everything I wanted to hear a long time ago you said you wanted me back but your trans now and iam a straight female it just wasn't going to work and sadly because I said no to dating you again you said our friendship had to die too. Was hurt me again. Our the time knowing you we have taken turns to hurt each other. And to love each other but now we remain Friends to lover to not talking